I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
