you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize