i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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