you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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