do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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