If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize