I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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