I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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