he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
