Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Is it penis luge time yet?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
