put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
