You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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