if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she pinky promised me she was 18
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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