I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
