I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
