I wish I could teleport
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
