if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
