dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize