Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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