Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
