batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
