We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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