Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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