ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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