Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
