He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
