I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
