somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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