We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
