Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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