meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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