Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
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No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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