the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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