this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
