I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize