Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
