one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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