dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
