Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
