She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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