1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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