You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
