don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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