he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
