Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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