I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
