I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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