ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
