I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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