I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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