They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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