Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
