Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
