ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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