Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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