Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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