its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
