It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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