i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
