I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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