I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
