i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
