My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
