wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
