That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
