So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
