is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
this will be a night to untag.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
