yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
