I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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