I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
