no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize