dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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