I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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