apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
