if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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