Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
