hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
