He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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